Something a little cryptic

My submission to Letters Home Zine

What’s up grandma trainers. Here’s something a little cryptic that I wrote earlier this month for my friend Evelyn’s zine, Letters Home. You might like to look at @lettershomezine on Instagram! The theme for the summer edition is “magic in all forms,” so I originally started with “And magically, I’m not hungry anymore,” but that’s not exactly how I felt and anyway matching the theme doesn’t mean just using a word from the title, so I took it out and just made a little journally type thing. If I was a little chiller I would probably do a zine myself instead of Substack. Maybe someday. Ok so read my friend’s zine when it comes out and enjoy this sneak peek and ask me what it means if it’s terribly confusing and have a really good summer. And subletmyroomandcometomywebinarandsubscribetomysubstackandbuyfrommydepopandclicktheheartbutton.

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Good to see you guys again

I’m never not hungry so this is really strange

But when I call you pick up! Love youuuu loveyouforeverrrr kbye. Bloop. 

I ran a stop sign on the way back home like I didn’t know it was there, like I don’t drive that way every day and haven’t for years, and like I did on my first driving test

I can see better without my glasses 

I feel a million times better now that I’m home 

I love old friends and I love keeping tabs 

Back in an instant

Fickle

This week I’ve worn the same exact t shirt in different colors every single day

My coworker gave me some natural deodorant for free because she came up with the recipe herself and it’s the only natural deodorant that’s ever worked for me. I’m drenched in sweat constantly from biking around in this heat wave and leaving too late to be 15 minutes early to work like I’m supposed to be and yet I smell fine. I think. Genuinely I’m so scared of being someone that smells bad and I’ve made people smell me so often they should be paid. I kind of like smelling like sweat and perfume at the same time in the summer. Not like nervous sweat but temperature hot sweat, out in the outdoors sweat, because they smell different. Never ever like body odor….. PLEASE tell me if I smell like onions. I will obviously be offended and embarrassed and wishing I could go home. 

Right now I’m like. Wait I forgot I’m awesome. And yesterday at like 4pm I was on the phone getting chewed out for good reason saying I’m the worst I know it you’re right I love you to the ends of the earth. 

Today I said the sentence “it’s you or her and it’s gonna be her every time,” which is such a funny dramatic thing to say, like I go through trials and tribulations requiring ultimatums all the time, when really it’s new to me. 

It’s been such a concern of mine that I don’t feel things too deeply and so it’s been so strange to find myself constantly sick to my stomach over some random shit that happened literally yesterday

You’re probably gonna read this hiiiiiii

I can never get rid of anything and I grab stuff out of the trash can that my roommate threw away. Also sometimes I like to hang out with people I used to be close with when a lot of time has passed.

Only a few things have changed over the past couple of years. When I started wearing Hanes Women’s Crew Socks every day I gained consciousness. I’m dead serious I don’t feel like myself without these socks sometimes. When I wear them with workout clothes I feel, literally like Ice Spice, like Princess Diana. 

People who don’t say what they think are sooooooo scary even though I’m one of them through and through. I don’t know what changed, but recently I’ve been less inclined to keep the peace, and I’ve just been saying everything. I explained everything to my little brother cause why not. I haaaaaaate keeping secrets about myself, but then again I never want to be like a self-described “brutally honest” person because that’s horrible. I worry that I don’t FULLY think before I speak. 

I’m still deciding if I’ve ever been heartbroken but definitely experiencing symptoms. But then again no? I’m chilling? I’m gonna explain everything to my favorite cousin in a couple days. 

I saw someone walk past the window of my current job with a tote bag from my old job and I was DYING for them to come in so I could tell them but they didn’t. 

Before summer I was like I want a normal person job like THIS PLACE, and I want a fake intellectual internship, and now I have both those things! 

I used to get to be just a person and now I want people to Subscribe to my Substack and Buy from my Depop and Sublet my Room and Come to this Webinar.

At home I’m the shortest of the people I’m closest to and at school I’m the tallest roommate. In my mind anyone taller than me is tall and anyone shorter than me is short, and the average height for a man is my dad’s height. 

It’s like. Yeah wait everything people say is true and it seems like I just have to learn why by myself so what’s the point of even knowing it before hand. Oops I didn’t Be Myself. Oops I said something true but it was not helpful. 

Ok bye!!!!! Probably will see you and I’m gonna know who you are cause of instagram or something and I’m gonna whisper it to the person next to me. 

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Heh heh. That’s all. ⛺︎★☮︎🂾⍣〠